If you know me, then you know I’m not really a “religious person”...I haven't been to a church since 2nd grade (almost 14 years), I don't actively pray, and I just bought my first bible (ever) last night. Don't get me wrong, I believe that there’s a God, but I've never actively lived a life that reflects that. It’s time for that to change. I think most of the people in my life would probably be shocked (and perhaps laugh in my face) if I told them that I wanted to seek a relationship with Christ…not because they think it’s stupid…but because they know how I am & that I’m stubborn to all types of change. I drink too much, I have the mouth of a sailor (maybe worse), some of my morals are questionable, a lot of the time I’m just a complete bitch, and honestly- I'm so unhappy. It’s taken me this long in life to realize that I can’t keep living my life this way, I just can’t. I mean, SURE, I could…but why would I? All the superficial, meaningless things that make me “happy” aren't practical. I need love, faith, hope, acceptance, and guidance to truly make me unconditionally, irrevocably, & genuinely happy.
I've always been the one who looks for a temporary solution to a problem. Guy troubles? I’d just move on to the next one. Upset? I’d drink, take a pill, or self-harm until I didn't feel anymore. Thus far in my life I've used substances and guys to try to fix all the pain and voids within my heart & soul. Every time after using one of my Band-Aid solutions, I'd just feel empty...all of those things gave me false happiness. Here lately, it’s been a lot of late nights of thinking, reflecting, hating myself, and crying...it’s all made me come to the conclusion that the only thing that can heal all of the pain in my heart and forgive my past actions is God’s love.
I've continuously given up on God and trying to find my faith, but you know what the awesome part is?! HE HAS NEVER GIVEN UP ON ME…that's so humbling & crazy to think about. No matter how much I have pushed Him away or rejected the times in my life when I should’ve sought Him out instead, He has continued to bless my life with incredible people, opportunities, experiences, and my amazing sorority sisters. I'm surrounded by so much love in my life, but I still need that unconditional love--God's love. So, I think it’s about time that I start to live my life in a way that honors Him and will make Him proud to claim me as one of His children. I just know that once I get this ball rolling that my life will fall into place…everything that’s meant to happen & that He wants to happen, will. It gives me great peace of mind knowing that I’m giving over all my trust and control to God and that He will provide me with everything I need. Here’s to becoming a better me…hopefully you’ll join me on this crazy, wonderful journey I’m about to start.
-SL
I've always been the one who looks for a temporary solution to a problem. Guy troubles? I’d just move on to the next one. Upset? I’d drink, take a pill, or self-harm until I didn't feel anymore. Thus far in my life I've used substances and guys to try to fix all the pain and voids within my heart & soul. Every time after using one of my Band-Aid solutions, I'd just feel empty...all of those things gave me false happiness. Here lately, it’s been a lot of late nights of thinking, reflecting, hating myself, and crying...it’s all made me come to the conclusion that the only thing that can heal all of the pain in my heart and forgive my past actions is God’s love.
I've continuously given up on God and trying to find my faith, but you know what the awesome part is?! HE HAS NEVER GIVEN UP ON ME…that's so humbling & crazy to think about. No matter how much I have pushed Him away or rejected the times in my life when I should’ve sought Him out instead, He has continued to bless my life with incredible people, opportunities, experiences, and my amazing sorority sisters. I'm surrounded by so much love in my life, but I still need that unconditional love--God's love. So, I think it’s about time that I start to live my life in a way that honors Him and will make Him proud to claim me as one of His children. I just know that once I get this ball rolling that my life will fall into place…everything that’s meant to happen & that He wants to happen, will. It gives me great peace of mind knowing that I’m giving over all my trust and control to God and that He will provide me with everything I need. Here’s to becoming a better me…hopefully you’ll join me on this crazy, wonderful journey I’m about to start.
-SL